Before You
Say 'I Do'...
The concept of the Institution of Marriage has been
long disintegrating within the North American culture, as half of American
marriages end in divorce (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.html) and Canadian marital statistics are not much more encouraging (http://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/marriage-and-divorce/) The lack of current information at the Statistics Canada, last updated in 2005, is also a little concerning,
yet I will leave that for later. The normal course of marriage has become
divorce, as more thought is put into a divorce agreement before the actual
ceremony, than asking the more important questions to make sure that the union
survives the waves of time.
Marriage is a commitment that requires effort,
compromise and sacrifice, EVERY DAY! When you choose to be in this type of
arrangement, you need to put the thought, passion and motivation you put in
every day at work, at your favorite hobby or your weekly group activity. This
article is written to help those contemplating this major life-changing
decision. Read it with an open-mind and your thinking cap on. To start this
examination of marriage, please read:
"I, ____, take you, ____, to be my
(husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in
sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may
also take the following form:
I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully
wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better,
for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us
part."
These are traditional Roman Catholic vows. Let's
not knit-pick about the wording, most cultures have similar vows expressing
same commitment, sacrifice and loyalty. It seems that the meaning of these vows
has either not been explained properly or the mass general public has no use of
any of these qualities and characteristics in a partner. It's exactly those
three things that are lacking in most relationships.
When talking about spend their lives together, most
couples talk about cute babies, having a nice car, where their first vacation
is going to be (if they didn't already take that trip pre-honeymoon) and how
much the wedding is going to cost. These questions have become too much of
priorities and yet are nowhere to be found in the vows. Not everybody will make
it the whole stretch and yes, shit happens. But if any part of you is human,
you would like to believe that the person beside will always be there, no
matter what.
Let's start the list of important points of
marriage when picking a life-time partner.
1. Take a good visual look at the one you want to
bind your life with. Close your eyes and picture them old. Picture them with
thin grey/white hair or none at all. Picture them with a hunched back, swollen
finger joints and wrinkly skin. You need to visualise this person in the most
advanced stages of aging. Most of the time, looking at their parents is a very
good indicator of the person your 'life's desire' will become. Do you want to
be there?
2. Imagine this person you 'can't get enough of',
sick or permanently injured. Imagine this person needing continuous care.
Imagine them not able to function or be productive for the rest of your future
together. Imagine this person losing their limb, their speech or their
consciousness. Can you say "I do." to 'in sickness or in health'?
3. Where are you going to live during your golden
years? This should be discussed long before the number of kids (if any) or
which house you really like right now? If you want to finish the Race of Life
at the foot of a mountain and your current 'reason for being' can picture all
the conveniences the city would offer to seniors, you would be blind to not see
a problem.
(Are you really reflecting on these first few
points enough to even need to continue reading? Have you realized that you are
'not there yet'? More 'in lust than 'in love'? Keep reading, as this should
help you make sure that when you are ready it's one time and forever.
4. Whose career path holds more importance when the
promotion and move comes up? The reason this should be discussed is that, if
any changes occur at the drop of dime due to the employment of one or other
spouse, there is always the chance of resentment and feeling of missed
opportunities by the partner who changed everything for their loved one. This
resentment can come from abandoning a loved job, a circle of friends and family
and a structure of life they loved. Will they do this for you as you would do
this for them? So you hope and you must blindly trust.
Military families are not the only families,
anymore, who have a parent far away from home for weeks at time. All the
decisions that are needed will be made by one partner in absence for the other.
What kind of involvement do you expect from your partner in the establishment
of a foundation and continued growth of your relationship for those golden
years together?
5. Are you ready to support every decision or idea
even if it isn't what you would want or do? The most passionate of
relationships crumble in the face of reality that not both parties are in it to
the same degree. If you can't give unconditional support despite your personal
feelings, you are not completely loyal or committed to this person. And if you
are not working on the end game, then there really is no point in working on
the present together.
A real marriage is built on the basis of two
individuals with similar goals, needs and desires. Anything not founded on
those principles is doomed to end. (Sooner or later, it really doesn't matter,
it will end.) One of you will want out and one of you will be devastated. Are
you prepared for the 'light in your life' to quit caring as quickly as they
cared for you? Are you ready for the little things you love much to become the
things that may annoy you the most?
At this point, you should be able to make your
choice of asking your 'future better half' to continue on the beautiful journey
of life together or you decide to just continue to enjoy the relationship you
have and let it run its course without intertwining everything and everybody in
the process.
Copyright 2014 sassylassy666
Copyright 2014 sassylassy666